Beth says: Ever heard the old adage, 90% of men say they masturbate and the other 10% are lying? Same goes with porn. Men are very visual and at some point, most men have taken a gander at what the Internet has to offer. The problem comes when men look at it so much they think that is how a relationship between a man and a woman should look. It's totally unfair to compare the mother of your children who stayed up all night last night with a barfing child to the lingerie-clad sex kitten you see on line. Ditto when you are in the other room slobbering at a computer screen instead of interacting with your family. Strip clubs are a whole other issue--that involves actual women and sometimes, touching. If your man wants to go, I suggest you go with him. Not only does it give you bonus cool wife points, but you can keep an eye on things to keep them under control. The bottom line is, the rules in a marriage should be agreed upon by the two people in the marriage, not by A Gay and a Gal (no matter how brilliant and insightful we are). Be honest with your needs and your feelings and typically you can find common ground.
Kevin says: If your partner is a man, there’s no point in ascribing “acceptable” or
“unacceptable” to porn --- men are visual beings, and I’ve yet to meet a
man who hasn’t consumed it (or isn’t looking at it right this second).
Men look at porn. Period. End of story. As Dan Savage says, the deal
couples make is this: Men promise to be discreet and cover their tracks,
and women promise to pretend that they don’t know it’s going on.
There’s no point in drawing lines in the sand; you’ll only end up
getting upset. As for strip clubs, I personally don’t think they are a
big deal, but I know lots of women who do. If you have qualms about your
partner going to one, you’ll need to have a conversation and
negotiation about it. What’s acceptable? What’s not? Is putting money in
a g-string ok? How about a lap dance? Better to have the conversation
up front than be blindsided later.
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