I am great friends with a couple who is getting divorced, do I need to take sides?

Beth says:  You don't, but ultimately you will.  I have been on both sides of this.  I adored a couple and considered myself equally close to both, although I knew the husband first.  The wife and I talked on the phone almost daily, were pregnant at the same time, and I considered her one of my best friends.  We vacationed with them, spent New Year's with them, we were godparents to one of their children. Then they had a nasty divorce and I swore I wouldn't take sides.  Bottom line, she was acting crazy and he and I were friends first.  It's the "Imminent Domain Law" of friendships. Let me clarify that I was never rude to her, but the friendship definitely fell to the wayside and we lost touch after awhile. When I got divorced, we had many mutual friends, but whether due to politics, practicality or awkwardness, in the end, when the chips fell, I kept certain friends and he kept certain friends.  It's very rare that it happens any other way.  One final word of advice--under no circumstances should you say anything completely horrible about the spouse until the divorce is final.  There is always the chance they will get back together and then somehow, you will be considered disloyal!

Kevin says:   You should do whatever you can to remain as neutral as possible. Sadly, in many cases, complete neutrality is impossible. You also have to draw clear boundaries with each partner about your unwillingness to take part in any bashing of the other spouse. Real life is messier, of course, and your mileage will vary. You probably have a natural affinity with one partner more than the other one --- perhaps you knew one longer, or you share interests or a common background with partner and not the other. There will probably come a time when the partner you’re closer to will lapse into complaining about the ex. Having some scripts in your back pocket will help you immensely here: “Carol, I know how difficult this separation/divorce has been on you, but I really feel uncomfortable speaking ill of Ted --- I’ve always like both of you. Can we talk about something else?”