"I've put on a few pounds since I had my kids and my mom keeps asking me 'when I'm going to lose the baby fat.' Can you give me a response that won't completely destroy our relationship but will get her to stop asking this question?"

Beth says:  Oh lord, is there anyone who can destroy our delicate egos more than our mothers?  I am 43 and still look to my mother for approval for everything from my hair cut to my latest choice of husband. God love her, she can throw out a comment that can put me in a tailspin for days. I understand where you are coming from. The problem however, isn't with her, it's with you.  Listen closely:  You need to not care what she thinks.  This is oh-so-simple, right?  WRONG.  It's a process...and one I still haven't quite figured out.  However, what I do know for sure is that step one is not putting anything out there for her to comment on.  So watch what you say, don't say anything your dieting or work out efforts.  Don't complain about the way you look. If she does say something, respond with something that stops it immediately but is not disrespectful or rude like "What a strange thing for you to say!" and leave it at that.

Kevin says:  It is so easy to fall into circular passive-aggressive patterns with people we’ve known forever, especially if they’re in our “first family.” And breaking out of that cycle can be daunting --- but rest assured it can be done. You just have the stay calm and stand your ground. You might say something like, “Mom, we’ve talked about this before. I know that what you’re saying you mean with love, but it really hurts my feelings when you comment in my weight. I’m working on my weight at my pace, and I’m happy with where I am right now. So, for now, I’d like to take this topic off the table for conversation. I hope you’ll understand and respect my decision. Now, how about a cup of tea?” If your mom continues and you’re on the phone, simply say, “Mom, I’ve gotta run. Shall we talk again on Tuesday?” Be light, be breezy, and then sign off. If you’re at her house, you do the in-person version: “I really have to be heading home now. Let’s chat on Tuesday, ok?” And then, leave. No drama, no fanfare, just leave. It won’t be easy the first 10 times you do it, so it helps to have practiced your script. Seriously. Draw your boundaries, understand your triggers, and implement the plan, calmly and with a smile. It’ll take a while to recalibrate your relationship, but it’s totally do-able and totally worth doing.