A Statement About the Kardashian Break Up

Til death do us part?  Nahhhh!

A Gay and a Gal love weddings. We've had three between the two of us. However, we are in the lucky group of U.S. citizens allowed to make our commitments legal. For many loving and committed gay couples, events like the 72-day marriage of Kim Kardashian and 36-hour marriage of Britney Spears are a collective slap in the face.

It is time to ask exactly what is a threat to the "sanctity" of marriage? Is it two people of the same gender who are in a healthy, positive relationship or one man and one woman who treat marriage with the same level of reverence they'd treat a pair of take-out chopsticks?

If straight people are honest, marriage has never been the sacred thing it's touted to be by politicians. It was originally created for financial gain and power, and this latest Kardashian wedding has certainly picked up that torch with vigor.

The hypocrisy screams here.

Please take a minute to go to one of these websites and show your support for those American citizens who continue to be victims of legalized prejudice. .

Freedom to Marry

Marriage Equality USA

What is your advice for getting over a broken heart?

Beth says:  Any time you experience heartbreak, you are in deep stress.  The first thing you must do is take care of your body because it's going to go through the ringer.  Force yourself to get enough sleep (but don't just lay in bed), eat properly (not just ice cream and chocolate), take showers, get dressed every day and get out in the sun.  Then take care of your mind and your heart--surround yourself with people who love you.  Resist the urge to shut down and shut everyone out.  Stay busy. 

Most important--you may have lost the love of your life, but you still have your dignity!  Hold onto that!  Avoid the phone at all costs.  Emotional confrontations where you demand answers to questions that won't satisfy you no matter what, are the worst possible thing for your heart. Try to move from sadness to anger (a much more empowering emotion) and then onto picking up the pieces.  Living well is, after all, the best revenge.

Kevin says:  When you’re hurting, the old stand-by answer “Time” does not seem helpful. Unfortunately, it really is the only answer. The key is what you do with the time while you’re nursing your broken heart. You have to give yourself a period to grieve the loss, and then you have to move forward in spite of whatever pain you’re feeling. If you find yourself completely stuck, say, for months at a time, it may be time to call in reinforcements to help you recalibrate your life. A few sessions with a good talk therapist can work wonders in helping you see why your relationship ended (or needed to end), what you could or should do differently in the future, how to better identify warning signs, and how to value yourself as a single person. In terms of how to move forward, the short answer is “fake it ‘til you make it.” Put on a smile, do what you can to help others, take extreme care of yourself, and repeat until you forget why you’re doing it.

What are the best shows on TV right now? What shows are "over" in your mind?

Beth says:  Hands down, the best show on TV right now is "Modern Family". It is hilarious, with great characters and stories that range from outrageous to touching.  I also love "Mike and Molly"--especially the character of Mike's mother.  In terms of new shows, I am really enjoying "American Horror Story" (not just spooky, it slides easily over the line into the realm of completely f*cked up), "New Girl" with the delightfully quirky Zooey Deschannel  and "Up All Night" with Christina Applegate.

Shows that I'm getting bored with/have overstayed their welcome?  Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Glee and longstanding reality shows Dancing with the Stars and American Idol.  It's all same stuff, different faces at this point.

Kevin says:  I love TV, and I hate TV. I like watching TV, but I have a kind of ADD when it comes to actual TV shows. I don't have Tevo, and I don't have a set schedule for watching shows, preferring to wait until I can watch a whole season in one long sitting. As a result, I don't become terribly attached to particular shows as they play on TV, often switching what I watch week to week. With that said, I find that I "happen" to watch certain shows each week --- usually because they're on opposite shows I know I don't want to watch (any reality show, for instance), rather than because I "love" them..

With that said, I'll share with you the current shows I sort-of-regularly watch and those I've recently been watching on Hulu or Netflix.

Current shows I LOVE
Modern Family: This, I believe, is not only the best show currently on TV, I think that it is probably the best cast, best written show on TV in the last decade. Snappy writing and Sofia Vergara's boobs. You can't get better than that.
Mike & Molly: It took me a while to warm up to this show, but it turns out to be pretty solid. And, I've loved Swoosie Kurtz since she was on Sisters with Sela Ward!
The Middle: This fairly traditional sitcom is saved by the wonderfully dysfunctional characters, all flawed but all completely loveable.
Big Bang Theory: Jim Parsons. Enuff said.
Hot in Cleveland: Betty White. Enuff said.

Current shows I like in spite of myself
Two Broke Girls: I didn't have high hopes for this odd-couple type sitcom with fish-out-of-water undertones. It's funny, and Kat Dennings is wonderful.
Happy Endings: The new version of Friends. Good looking people and decent writing. I like that the gay character is a douche-y dude-bro.
Revenge: I've only caught a few episodes of this show, but it's delightfully trashy in an old-school Dynasty sort of way.

Shows that are on the downswing
Two and a Half Men: Let's face it, Two and a Half Men was on a downward trajectory even before Charlie Sheen's oh-so-public meltdown. Bringing on Ashton Kutcher is Fonzie jumping the shark all over again.
How I Met Your Mother: This sitcom has been covering the same ground over and over for the last four seasons. It's become boring.

Shows I've been watching on Netflix/Hulu and LOVE
Being Human (the UK version): Smarter than True Blood (and better written and acted), this vampire-werewolf-ghost drama is smart and engaging.
Damages: Glenn Close rips the scenery to shreds as a sinister high-profile attorney.
30 Rock: Tina Fey. Enuff said.
Satisfaction: I bet you've never heard of this one. It's an Australian drama set in a high-end brothel. Sexy situations, great writing, and a dynamite ensemble cast. I demand that you watch it. You won't be disappointed.
MI-5: Sexy British spies, including Matthew MacFadyen and Hermione Norris. So good!
Misfits: If Heroes and Skins had a baby, it would be Misfits.

My best friend is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was excited when she first asked me, but then I realized that between travel expenses, the dress, a wedding gift and a shower gift I am going to be out several hundred dollars. What are my options?

We can't all be Pippa!

Kevin says:  To say that today's wedding industry has become a behemoth is to become a master of the obvious (the average wedding now costs almost $30,000). As a result, there seems a never-ending series of official events accompanying every wedding, all of which bring with them an opportunity to give a gift (thereby enriching the industrial wedding complex even further). I'm not sure what Miss Manners would say, but here's my philosophy: A couple who invites me to their wedding --- or shower or post-engagement party or whatever --- gets one gift. That's one gift per wedding, not one gift per event. If you are so inclined to give more than one gift, go for it, but you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT have to give a gift for every wedding-related function to which you're invited. From an etiquette standpoint, this couple is inviting you to witness and celebrate their union, not to subsidize it.

Further, one could argue that your participation in the wedding party (and assuming all the associated costs) is your gift to the marrying couple. No muss, no fuss. If, in spite of this perspective, you still feel that participating in the wedding will cause you a financial hardship, you need to have a conversation with your friend. If the wedding preparations are not too far along, perhaps you could quietly step into a different role at the wedding --- doing a reading, monitoring the guest book, assisting the videographer/photographer, etc. --- that wouldn't be so difficult on your wallet. If, on the other hand, the wedding preparations are too far underway to slip into a different role, you'll need to come clean with your friend as soon as possible and let her know your predicament; there may be a way to offset some of your expenses. Barring that, unfortunately, you may be stuck sucking up those costs ... and learning a valuable lesson.

Beth says:  I have been in numerous weddings and had two of my own.  Both as a bride and as a member of the bridal party, I always felt that the point of it all was to share a really important day with special friends.  With that in mind, your participation should really be the only thing that is required, other than any wedding-related costuming requirements.  Be honest with your bride.  Tell her you are so thrilled to be included but you are strapped for cash.  A true friend will understand.

I've often heard that "God doesn't give you more than you can handle," but lately I find myself frustrated with my share of life's challenges & wonder what gives?! Is there any truth to that saying & what do I do to keep my wits about me without throwing in the towel?

Kevin says:  "Life sucks ... and then you die." Nice, right? We've all heard it before. Hell, we've all felt it before. Life is hard. Fortunately, it is punctuated, sometimes quite unexpectedly, with transcendent moments of joy, humor, and beauty. In our darkest moments, it's often difficult to tune our frequencies to those moments. I have a wonderful friend who regularly posts her daily gratitude lists to Facebook (Hey, Special K!). Those gratitude lists are a reminder that constantly finding things to be grateful for is a valuable exercise. Gratitude is a muscle that you need to flex and strengthen, so that in times of great stress, you can more easily keep things in proper perspective.

Beth says:  I think that is one of those things that people say meaning to comfort you, but in reality it just pisses you off.  I don't profess to know how it all works, but the God I believe in does not throw out suffering just to prove a point. I've never believed the whole "God is testing you" thing--I think He has bigger fish to fry.  Life is difficult.  However, if you live your life with integrity and treat people with respect and  kindness, even in your darkest moments, you will have people there to support you.  I know so many people who have been through times of great crisis and pain, who have felt incredibly blessed by the love and support they have been shown by the people around them.  Try to hold on to the idea that you are loved and supported and people will be there for you to get you through your lowest moments.

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What 5 people would you invite to your celebrity dinner party and why?

Cleopatra

Kevin says:  Cleopatra and Jesus, because I have so many questions for them.

Oliver Hudson

Oliver Hudson, because he’s so damn pretty to look at.
Ellen Degeneres, because she’s funny.
Bill Clinton, because I bet he’d tell some great stories if you got him liquored up (or maybe even if you didn’t!).






Beth says:  Charlie Sheen.  I want to see what he's really all about.

Chris Cofer

Melissa McCarthy

Chris Cofer--the guy who plays Kurt on "Glee"--after a few drinks, I'd like to see him and Charlie Sheen do a duet of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" on the Karaoke machine. 
Britney Spears- she and Charlie Sheen are a perfect storm for an evening of out of control frivolity
Jimmy Fallon - he's my favorite Late Night talk show host
Melissa McCarthy - Did you see Bridesmaids?  Do you watch "Mike and Molly"?  She is hilarious. 

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What are your top-three favorite Trick or Treat candies and what are the worst, the kind that make you want to egg the giver's house?

Beth says:  One thing I try to do is buy the Halloween candy I hate--that way I am not tempted to eat it.  I buy Nerds, Blow-Pops, and Laffy Taffy.  Kids love it and I can't stand it.  What can't I resist?  Reese's, Bottle Caps, and Butterfingers.  Things that suck?  My neighbors who give out New Testaments and the dentist when I was growing up who gave out toothbrushes and floss.  Other inappropriate items?  Pencils, dollar store candy that is basically nasty chocolate wrapped up to look like eyeballs, candy corn, condoms and Vicodin. Actually, if you offered those last two a Gay and a Gal might come to your house twice this year!

Kevin says:  Top treats: Reese’s peanut butter cups, Twix, Milky Way bars (in that order!)
Worst treats: Fresh fruit. Yuck!

Halloween is quickly coming up. What are you and your spouses dressing up as and what suggestions do you have for some unique, original costumes?

Kevin says:  My husband and I would sooner gnaw off our own arms than dress up in some kind of “couple” costume for Halloween. I got nothing.

Beth says:  Halloween is my favorite holiday!  No gift giving or meal preparation, just a fun holiday that involves macabre decorations and candy!  That said, the pressure to come up with a clever costume can really cause stress during an otherwise joyous sugar-filled time.  I am all about the costume that requires little money. For example, my ex-husband went as a "Masturbator".  He put hair on his palms, had his fly down, wore thick glasses (blind, doncha know!) and had a bottle of lube in one pocket and a Victoria's Secret catalogue in the other.  Zombies are big right now, so take any normal costume--hobo, princess, pirate, gypsy and add a crazy twist by making it a zombie.  Everyone loves a zombie hobo, right?  Apparently going as "Charlie Sheen" is popular this year, and the big couples costume is going as Arnold Schwarzenegger and a Maid.  Why not take it a step further?  Go as Zombie Charlie Sheen (not that much of a stretch) and Zombie Arnold with his Zombie Maid?  Think outside the box! Be Zombie M&M, Zombie Playboy Bunny or Zombie Priest?   Or for the ultimate couples costume one of you go as a Zombie whatever and the other one go as a plate full of brains!  Have the Zombie carry a giant spoon and a salt shaker to really add another dimension that will set you apart.   No need to spend money on costumes.  All you need is an open mind and some green paint to make you the hit of the Halloween Party! 

Porn, Strip Clubs, Playboy Magazine and such. Acceptable for your partner to indulge in, yes or no and why?

Beth says:  Ever heard the old adage, 90% of men say they masturbate and the other 10% are lying?  Same goes with porn.  Men are very visual and at some point, most men have taken a gander at what the Internet has to offer.  The problem comes when men look at it so much they think that is how a relationship between a man and a woman should look.  It's totally unfair to compare the mother of your children who stayed up all night last night with a barfing child to the lingerie-clad sex kitten you see on line.  Ditto when you are in the other room slobbering at a computer screen instead of interacting with your family.  Strip clubs are a whole other issue--that involves actual women and sometimes, touching.  If your man wants to go, I suggest you go with him.  Not only does it give you bonus cool wife points, but you can keep an eye on things to keep them under control.  The bottom line is, the rules in a marriage should be agreed upon by the two people in the marriage, not by A Gay and a Gal (no matter how brilliant and insightful we are).  Be honest with your needs and your feelings and typically you can find common ground.

Kevin says:  If your partner is a man, there’s no point in ascribing “acceptable” or “unacceptable” to porn --- men are visual beings, and I’ve yet to meet a man who hasn’t consumed it (or isn’t looking at it right this second). Men look at porn. Period. End of story. As Dan Savage says, the deal couples make is this: Men promise to be discreet and cover their tracks, and women promise to pretend that they don’t know it’s going on. There’s no point in drawing lines in the sand; you’ll only end up getting upset. As for strip clubs, I personally don’t think they are a big deal, but I know lots of women who do. If you have qualms about your partner going to one, you’ll need to have a conversation and negotiation about it. What’s acceptable? What’s not? Is putting money in a g-string ok? How about a lap dance? Better to have the conversation up front than be blindsided later.

What is your opinion on botox and fillers?

Kevin:  Totally fine, within reason. I just saw a picture of Madonna, and she looked positively gruesome from all the Restalyne in her face. The goal of any cosmetic enhancement (whether it’s as simple as make up or as complex as surgical intervention) is to end up with “refreshed” version of yourself, not with an entirely different persona. Less is almost always more.

Beth:  I regularly get my hair highlighted, facials, and buy quality skin products to prevent aging.  Nothing wrong with that.  There is really nothing wrong with anything that makes you feel better about yourself and makes others say "Wow, she looks fantastic!"  The problem comes in when you look like you've had something done.  If I know you've done something to your face, then the whole point goes down the drain.  When you start looking like you've done something, you might want to ask yourself what the point is.  My mother is at 84, as gorgeous as any woman 25 years younger I see on the red carpet.  She's got good genes, but I think her real secret is confidence in who she is and not feeling like she has anything to prove to anybody.  I hope one day I can walk that same path!

I have a dear friend who is diametrically opposed to all things I believe politically. I am fine with that, but she constantly tries to goad me into debating her, which makes me uncomfortable. Can this friendship be saved?

Beth says: Long ago, I realized there are three kisses of death to a friendship.  The first two are any discussions about religion and politics.  The third is when your friend starts selling Amway and tries to suck you into selling it too, but that's a discussion for another time!  Anyhoo... I have had various friends and relatives unsuccessfully over the years try to convince me to change my liberal loyalty.  I am not interested,  number one.  Number two, I have found that with a few very rare exceptions, most people have no idea what they are talking about.  On occasion, I might be in the mood for an intelligent, respectful discourse, but that rarely is what's on the table.  Instead I usually try to change the subject or say something along the lines of "I really don't want to have this discussion."  It takes two to have a discussion and if you refuse to participate and tow the hard line, eventually they will run out of steam.  Anyone who insists on continuing is either someone you might want to consider no longer being friends with or is a relative, and if that's case, you just have to pour yourself another drink and hope dinner is served sooner rather than later.

Kevin says:  There is a spectrum of “friendship” that can range anywhere from someone you know on Facebook all the way up to a de facto soul mate. But there are very few people in our lives with whom we agree 100% of the time. Depending on where this person falls on your spectrum defines your approach. If this is a Facebook-variety friend, you really can simply ignore the goading and refuse to engage. If this is a closer friend, you must deal with the situation head on. “Sue, you know I love you, right? I really do, and it’s totally fine that we disagree on this topic. But, I don’t want our different points of view to affect our friendship. I’d really rather talk about something else, ok?” If this person continues to goad you, understand that this is may well be a passive-aggressive strategy on your friend’s part to redefine and downgrade your friendship. Good friends love you for you, not because you agree with their politics.

Who is on your "freebie list?" You know, the hypothetical list of the five celebrities that you'd be able to sleep with without getting in trouble with your significant other.

King of "Queens"

Kevin says: I normally don’t go for guys on the chunkier side, but something about Kevin James is sexy. I can’t quite put my finger on it except to say that he’s one of those guys who are greater than the sum of their parts.

Gov. O'Malley has Kevin's vote!

Martin O’Malley: I’ve had a crush on my Marty since he was Mayor of Baltimore. That salt-and-pepper hair, the political power, and his Charm City charm --- all put him on my list.

The Genie on Kev's "Wish List"

Kellogg’s Scottish Genie: Ok. I have no clue why this guy pushes my buttons. He’s not even a real person. It’s like putting Chandler Bing on the list. But, man, I swoon when I hear him start talking about granting wishes!

Hold the mayo!

Anderson Cooper (but only in a Kevin sandwich along with Dr. Sanjay Gupta). I think the fewer details I convey about this scenario, the better.

Bateman needs a spanking!

Jason Bateman: Smart, good looking, and self-effacingly funny. What more do you need in a celebrity crush?

Beth wants the Lowe down

Baldwin: It's Complicated...

Beth says:  If you want to trace how you have evolved as a person, you really need look no further than how your "Freebie List" has changed over the years. 

For example, #1 would've never made my list as a young girl, although he was on the list of many a young girl, I am certain.  However Rob Lowe was simply too pretty for my taste back in the 80's.  Now as he approaches 50, he has turned from pretty to downright handsome perfection.  Add in his liberal leanings and fantastic sense of humor and he easily makes it on my list.

#2 also would've never made it on my list in my 20s and 30s.  Again, he was a little soft for my taste.  With a few pounds on him and a devilish twinkle in his eye, Alec Baldwin has really become a suburban housewife's guilty pleasure.   

#3 is Dermot Mulroney, who has been in movies like "The Family Stone" and "The Wedding Date".  I am always a sucker for the swarthy, distinguished type.  As a human being, he may be a total tool, but what do I care?  This is my "Freebie List" not "Celebrity Soul Mate List"!

Are you familiar with "Grey's Anatomy"?  Of course you are, unless you live under a rock.  Even the Pope knows about McDreamy...but he is not

2 Steamy 2B 4Gotten

enough for me.  That's why I picked #4 and #5 with the caveat that I can have them together.  If I could have Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane alone in a room for an hour, I think all bases would be covered.  Twice.

Every year around vacation time we hear about "Great Summer Reads," usually fun, quick books to pass the time in the sun, but as we enter into the Winter season and hunker down for the long haul in our Snuggies, what are the top-five, absolute must read before I die kind of books to pass the cold, gray days ahead?

Kevin says:  The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: Masterfully written (and I don’t use that phrase lightly), the novel focuses on two young Jewish boys, one a born-and-bred New Yorker, and the other, his cousin, a refugee from Prague. They become quick friends and find their fortune in the creation of a comic book character called The Escapist during the comic book boom that followed the debut of Superman in the late 30s. But to say that the book is about comic books or about superheroes would be ridiculous. It's about the lives of these two men and the routes that they end up taking through them as World War II, along with any number of other events, comes about. It touches on the disenfranchisement felt by immigrants, the difficulty of being a homosexual during that period, the beginnings of suburbia, and the wonder of childhood, in addition to being something of a history lesson on the creation and publication of superhero comics.

1776 by David McCullough: I bet you never knew how close the American Revolution came to failing. Most Americans are familiar with the Christmas Eve crossing of the Delaware River to win the Battle of Trenton and to close out 1776. But, Mr. McCullough describes the more unfamiliar stories of the American siege of Boston in driving out the British army and the British victory in driving the Revolutionary army from New York City.

Bacardi and the Long Fight for Cuba by Tom Gjelten: The travel and trade embargo against Cuba has unfortunately created a kind of cultural embargo too. Americans know very little about our neighbor 90 miles south of Florida. The history of the Cuban nation is interwoven with the history of the Bacardi family, from the first Catalan immigrant, Facundo Bacardi, to the present diaspora living in exile. He dutifully relates the sequence of presidents and dictators of the island, with the social and political background of each regime. This may sound dull and perhaps too academic, but the struggle of the family throughout the history of the island gives it a personal and compelling dimension.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman: Grossman is able to describe a world of wonder and imagination, and populate it with characters who are utterly unworthy of the magic all around them, who appreciate nothing, who completely flub their great chance -- just like I would have done if I lived through this experience, just as most of us do with our great chances in our real, mundane, unfantastic lives, which are also as full of wonder as any dreamed by a teller of tales. And because the characters are so real, so easy to relate to, it makes the fantasy seem just as real (which, of course, makes the real world just as fantastic). And the ending is glorious: the climactic action scene is thrilling and impossible to put down; the revealed secrets are both surprising and satisfying; the final resolution is, if not completely happy, at least hopeful.

Cleopatra by Stacy Schiff: an intimate and convincing portrait of several of the era's most powerful people, and the intersections of their lives. Stacy Schiff is a wonderful writer, whose observations sometimes take the reader by surprise. Her evaluation of these people and their societies is more reportorial than judgmental, and she does not try to impose modern values and sensibilities on these. Schiff's scholarship is impressive, as is her critique of the likely biases of various historians who have written about Cleopatra (and the likely level of reliability of their reports, in light of their lack of firsthand knowledge). Her explanations of Egyptian society and government make the book worth reading, even aside from her compelling portrait of the queen. 

Beth says:   As a high school English teacher, as well as an unabashed lover of smut, I think that I have some credibility here!  The key to the beach/pool book is that it requires little concentration as you get up frequently to take a dip, reapply sunscreen and sip your margarita.  A good winter read allows for true escape as you hunker down under a blanket and sip your red wine.  With that in mind I offer the following:

1.  The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein.  This is a great novel that appeals to both men and women.  It's told from the dog's point of view, but don't let that turn you off if you aren't an animal lover.  It's a beautiful story about the dog's owner and his struggles as he marries, becomes a parent, loses his wife, and heals all tied up in an extended Indy racing metaphor.  The ending is fantastic and one of the most satisfying I have ever read. 

2.  Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.  I can pay no higher compliment to this compelling story than to say that my students, who don't want to read anything, universally love this book.  It's about friendship and the American Dream, something everybody can relate to.

3.  The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  If you've heard the hype and ignored it, you have made a terrible mistake.  I read this book last year over Thanksgiving break and could not put it down.  Set in Jackson, Mississippi as the Civil Rights Movement is just beginning, it is the story about the black women who work for white women.  They all have a story to tell, some funny, some heart-warming, some heart-breaking.  Yet, up until this point, nobody thought to ask to hear them.  Great book!

4.  It by Stephen King.  I have two motivations for including this crap-your-pants-scary book.  The first is, it is a compelling read, well-written and incredibly vivid.  More important however, is that just the mention of this book scares Kevin to the point of putting him in a fetal position, stroking his own cheek, humming "Send in the Clowns" insanely to himself!

5.  Any of the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling.  If you are one of those people who has wondered if the buzz is  legit or have seen the movies, but not read the books, winter is the perfect time to read the series.  With the exception of the first one, these books are long and definitely too bulky to read at the beach.  There is so much more to these books than what little we are given in the movies.  You are really missing out if you dismiss these books as "fluff" or "children's fiction".

My wife complains because I don't put the toilet seat down. Why is this such a big deal? If I have to put it down for her, should she put it up for me?

Beth says:  Look, the natural order dictates that the toilet seat be down.  No one wants to touch a toilet seat if they don't have to.  If your bathroom style requires that the seat be up and you have to touch it anyway, go the extra mile and put it down.  It's the polite thing to do and may get you more sex in the long run.

Kevin says:  Here are the three main reasons I recommend keeping the toilet seat down. The first is that it is bad feng shui for the toilet seat to be in the open position, as all your chi will go down the toilet if the toilet seat is up. Second, the toilet seat should be in the closed (or, neutral) position, making it equally inconvenient for all persons in the household not just one gender or the other. And finally, the closed position makes it impossible for anyone to “fall in” while attempting to use the facilities in the middle of the night with all the lights off.

Are skinny jeans in or out?

Kevin says:  For the moment, skinny jeans are still in … IF YOU ARE SKINNY. If you are not skinny you shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans in the first place. As an aside, I predict that the next jean craze we will see will be pegged jeans (gathered vertically at the hem and then rolled up) --- just like we wore in the ‘80s.

Beth says:  You know, I don't see a lot of skinny jeans these days, so I decided to outsource the question to my sister.  She stated and I concur, "The question is not if skinny jeans are in or out, the question is can your body support them?"  Basically, you can get away with anything if it looks good on you.  

What are five experiences I must have before graduating from college?

Beth says:  Kevin and I met in college where we had some of the best times of our lives.  Most of it involved just sitting around and creating our own fun, which is really the best kind.  So my first piece of advice-- make a really great friend.  I don't just mean one who you can talk to and is your soulmate blah blah...I mean someone who just by virtue of being in the same room with you can make the moment unforgettable.  The fact is, I've made lots of friends who I can talk to; far fewer people have made me laugh until I pee my pants.  I remember after a late-night trip to Mr. Donut, Kevin put the bag on his hand and used it for a puppet, putting Mr. Donut at all of the major American historical events.  I'm still laughing about that 25 years later.

Two, no matter what you think, you are skinnier and firmer than you will ever be for the rest of your life--I say, take off your clothes and go streaking!  It is the most outrageous, hilarious, empowering, thing you could possibly do and you will laugh about it for the rest of your life.  Totally worth it. People are still talking about our streaking adventures (and yes, there were many).  Just make sure you wear good shoes, lest you get a nasty cut or turn your ankle!

Three, find a professor who really challenges you and can become a mentor.  I was fortunate enough to have a couple of these in college and I was much better academically for it.  One of them was my advisor--he helped me with everything from picking classes to giving me great advice when I lost out on the last minute at a job just before graduation.  You need someone looking out for you who is not a parent. 

Four, go on a road trip--be it to another college or to Myrtle Beach, there is nothing like a fun trip with friends.  Kevin and I took a trip to Philadelphia where we had all manner of ridiculous adventures, not the least of which involved Kevin finding a pair of glow in the dark boxer shorts that said "Ho, Ho, Burp."  I still can't really explain what was so funny about that, but I know we laughed until it was physically painful.

Five, get involved in something!  There is something for everyone at college-- fraternities/sororities and athletics are just a small part.  There are special interest groups for everyone.  The great part is that while you will immediately have something in common with these people, chances are they will be very different from you in many other ways.  It's good to start interacting with people who don't think and act exactly like you do.  Invest some of your time and your college experience will be so much more well-rounded.  This is the last time in your life that it can be all about you--take advantage of it!

Kevin says:  I’m not one for bucket lists. My philosophy is to do what you love to do now --- don’t wait until you’re too old to enjoy doing those things and just want to cross things off a list. So, rather than tell you five experiences you should have during college, I’m going to give you five pieces of advice I wish someone had given me when I was in college:

Take every single writing class you can. This is especially important if you are studying a non-liberal-arts major. Whether it's in text format, or e-mail, or formal proposal, writing is a skill that you will lean into every single day of your working life until you retire. The better you can cogently express yourself, the more in control of your professional destiny you will be. Learn how to write concisely, clearly, and logically. (Get yourself a copy of “Strunk & White’s Elements of Style." Read it, learn it, love it!)

Take at least a handful of business classes and at least one marketing class, even if they're not in your major (especially if they're not in your major!). I was a liberal-arts major in college, and my friends and I made merciless fun of the Business Administration majors (or BUADs as we called them) --- well, many of them *were* tools of the highest caliber.  However, life is funny … and ironic. Now, more than 20 years later, I’m in a career that’s way more business-oriented than liberal-arts-oriented, and I now wish I’d taken some of those business and marketing classes that I so disdained back then --- seeing as how I work the kind of job that is almost entirely marketing. And really, so much of life is about marketing, isn’t it? How you dress, Teach yourself how to balance the things you HAVE to do against the things you WANT to do. how you express yourself, how you interact with friends and coworkers … are all different kinds of marketing. Marketing is really just an attempt to get other people to respond and act in a certain way, and that is a skill we could all use.

I don’t say this to make you despair, but you will never be as fit or as physically beautiful as you are right now --- or not, at least, without a lot of extra assistance the older you get. Right now, you can spend the night into the early morning drinking and snogging and get up and go to class and look pretty damn good. In just a few short years, you’ll hit a wall where fried carbs and liquor are no longer your friends. So, learn how to market and flaunt what you’ve got. Sleep with as many pretty people as you can. But, learn to say no and mean it. Monitor your drinking; learn your limits and always have a safety plan in place. Get yourself down to Planned Parenthood and learn about birth control, sexual health, and sexually transmitted infections. Keep condoms in your purse or wallet; use them. Learn how to politely rebuff advances of those you’re not interested in. Learn what you like, what you don't, and how to talk to a partner about those things. Most of all, have fun.

Keep your weight in check. Staying in shape will only get more difficult the older you get. Most colleges’ athletic departments --- for good or ill --- are better endowed than their academic facilities. That means that the pool and workout facilities at your college are far superior to just about any gym you’ll be able to afford after you graduate. Take advantage. Expose yourself to lots of different types of physical activities, and learn which ones you enjoy --- dance, yoga, weight lifting, whatever --- and do them, over and over. Make exercise a habit now.

Teach yourself how to balance the things you HAVE to do against the things you WANT to do. Good grades are important, but they are not the be-all end-all. Sure, you want to have decent grades in your major, but ultimately, employers want to see that you are ethical, smart, hard-working, and balanced. Good grades may get you in the door, but your personality is what will get you your first job.  So, relax a little about your grades. Concentrate on building relationships with people, especially people who are different from you. Not that you will be forever friends with people you meet in college (though some of the people you’re hanging out with now will be the ones you invite to your kids’ weddings), but in real life, you will have to work with or socialize with people who have different upbringings than you. Work on developing your empathy muscle --- it will be a skill use for years to come.

What are 3 must-haves for my winter wardrobe?

Beth says:  I don't know much about men's fashion other than what I personally like to see a guy in.  I'll stick with women's apparel and leave men to my rico suave counterpart.   Ladies, you must have a cute pair of boots.  Not Uggs.  Puh-lease.  I am talking about some good quality boots that really pull together an outfit.  You also need an adorable coat that would look good with jeans or slacks like a pea coat (always in fashion). Last, get a soft, fun scarf.  Scarves are everywhere!  Jump on the bandwagon!

Kevin says:  For women:  Camel coat (or anything in camel!), Aviator jacket,
Leopard anything.  For men: Tailored gray suit,  Chunky knit sweater,  Velvet (or crushed velvet!) blazer.

Who is the biggest train wreck in Hollywood?

Kevin says: Lindsay Lohan

Beth says:  While Lindsay Lohan is certainly a sinking ship, I am putting my money on Demi Moore to be the next Hollywood Horror Story.  With the stress of her cheating husband and shockingly emaciated frame, I'd say there is a trip to a "rehab" of some sort in her near future.

Do I need to tell my new partner everything about my past?

Kevin says:  What? You’re kidding, right?
The short answer is no. The long answer is it really depends on how long you’ve been dating and how serious things are getting. Your new partner needs to know about situations in your past, in the broadest of terms, that affect your ability to interact one-on-one with him or her in the present --- if you were abused or molested in the past, for instance. But you do not have to go into detail, even if pressed. However, it’s important NOT to make those situations your new partner’s problem to solve. Let’s say your last partner (or partners) cheated on you, which has left you feeling insecure and jealous. You can’t tell your new partner about this IF your goal is to control his or her behavior. “I’ve had boyfriends who cheated on me in the past, so I sometimes get jealous for no reason. It’s something I’m working on, but it can creep up on me. If I start acting weird, I won’t mind if you remind me about this …” Some things are best left at your therapist’s office. And, finally, a note about disclosure of things of a sexual nature. If you are going to be sexually active with your new partner, you do have to share any sexual health issues you’re dealing with or the presence of any sexually transmitted infections --- even if you are using condoms, as some STIs can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. Some of these topics will be tricky or potentially embarrassing. But, the path to intimacy is paved with all sorts of opportunities, one conversation at a time, to reveal who you are and to learn about your new partner.

Beth says:  In the words of my beloved sister when I asked her this question, "HELL NO!"  There are exactly three situations where you should share information about your past with a new partner.  1)  If you have a disease  2) If you have a restraining order against the ex and by virtue of hanging out with you, your partner is now potentially at risk.  3) If it's something that's going to bite you in the ass later.  If your answer is one or two, then you need to be up front.  If it's number three, you can sort of wait it out and see if it becomes necessary.  There is honesty in a relationship ("I've been married before.") and there is self-indulgence ("...and he told me I was the best sex he ever had and that's why he always calls me still,") and then there is the relationship land mine ("and that was just my first threesome!").  Use common sense, young lovers.  Full disclosure is a Pandora's Box.

I am great friends with a couple who is getting divorced, do I need to take sides?

Beth says:  You don't, but ultimately you will.  I have been on both sides of this.  I adored a couple and considered myself equally close to both, although I knew the husband first.  The wife and I talked on the phone almost daily, were pregnant at the same time, and I considered her one of my best friends.  We vacationed with them, spent New Year's with them, we were godparents to one of their children. Then they had a nasty divorce and I swore I wouldn't take sides.  Bottom line, she was acting crazy and he and I were friends first.  It's the "Imminent Domain Law" of friendships. Let me clarify that I was never rude to her, but the friendship definitely fell to the wayside and we lost touch after awhile. When I got divorced, we had many mutual friends, but whether due to politics, practicality or awkwardness, in the end, when the chips fell, I kept certain friends and he kept certain friends.  It's very rare that it happens any other way.  One final word of advice--under no circumstances should you say anything completely horrible about the spouse until the divorce is final.  There is always the chance they will get back together and then somehow, you will be considered disloyal!

Kevin says:   You should do whatever you can to remain as neutral as possible. Sadly, in many cases, complete neutrality is impossible. You also have to draw clear boundaries with each partner about your unwillingness to take part in any bashing of the other spouse. Real life is messier, of course, and your mileage will vary. You probably have a natural affinity with one partner more than the other one --- perhaps you knew one longer, or you share interests or a common background with partner and not the other. There will probably come a time when the partner you’re closer to will lapse into complaining about the ex. Having some scripts in your back pocket will help you immensely here: “Carol, I know how difficult this separation/divorce has been on you, but I really feel uncomfortable speaking ill of Ted --- I’ve always like both of you. Can we talk about something else?”

"I've put on a few pounds since I had my kids and my mom keeps asking me 'when I'm going to lose the baby fat.' Can you give me a response that won't completely destroy our relationship but will get her to stop asking this question?"

Beth says:  Oh lord, is there anyone who can destroy our delicate egos more than our mothers?  I am 43 and still look to my mother for approval for everything from my hair cut to my latest choice of husband. God love her, she can throw out a comment that can put me in a tailspin for days. I understand where you are coming from. The problem however, isn't with her, it's with you.  Listen closely:  You need to not care what she thinks.  This is oh-so-simple, right?  WRONG.  It's a process...and one I still haven't quite figured out.  However, what I do know for sure is that step one is not putting anything out there for her to comment on.  So watch what you say, don't say anything your dieting or work out efforts.  Don't complain about the way you look. If she does say something, respond with something that stops it immediately but is not disrespectful or rude like "What a strange thing for you to say!" and leave it at that.

Kevin says:  It is so easy to fall into circular passive-aggressive patterns with people we’ve known forever, especially if they’re in our “first family.” And breaking out of that cycle can be daunting --- but rest assured it can be done. You just have the stay calm and stand your ground. You might say something like, “Mom, we’ve talked about this before. I know that what you’re saying you mean with love, but it really hurts my feelings when you comment in my weight. I’m working on my weight at my pace, and I’m happy with where I am right now. So, for now, I’d like to take this topic off the table for conversation. I hope you’ll understand and respect my decision. Now, how about a cup of tea?” If your mom continues and you’re on the phone, simply say, “Mom, I’ve gotta run. Shall we talk again on Tuesday?” Be light, be breezy, and then sign off. If you’re at her house, you do the in-person version: “I really have to be heading home now. Let’s chat on Tuesday, ok?” And then, leave. No drama, no fanfare, just leave. It won’t be easy the first 10 times you do it, so it helps to have practiced your script. Seriously. Draw your boundaries, understand your triggers, and implement the plan, calmly and with a smile. It’ll take a while to recalibrate your relationship, but it’s totally do-able and totally worth doing.

"One too many times, I've had a screaming kid ruin my dinner in a restaurant! How should I handle that?"

Kevin Says:  I love children. Especially ones that are old enough to vacuum. And their little hands are perfectly sized to sew bugle beads onto my Halloween costume. Seriously though, even a childless misanthrope like me understands that no matter how much you love the delightful coo of a child's voice, there are places children are meant to be, and places where they are not meant to be. One of those places children are not meant to be is at a $25-$30/a plate restaurant. I don't care how charming and well behaved you think your little tykes are, I assure you, they're not. Unless they can sit for 90 minutes and carry on a conversation about the plot twists in this season's Desperate Housewives, they're not appropriate dinner companions in any restaurant that serves liquor (Beth's Note:  Chuck E. Cheese has booze...Friday's has booze...I think we should narrow the scope a bit!  How about cloth napkins?). Luckily this is not an etiquette column, because I know I'm being rude when I say loudly to the hostess as she guides me to the table next to yours, "I'd rather not sit THERE," as I point to another table as far away from yours as possible. You can drop the dirty looks --- they bounce off me like bullets bouncing off Wonderwoman's magic bracelets. And, lest you be tempted to take your little ones to a grown-up restaurant, understand that there are adults like me just about everywhere. Oh, and if you're thinking, "Oh, he couldn't possibly be talking about MY Madison and Connor," let me assure you, they're exactly about whom I'm talking (the children whose parents don't think they're bad are precisely the ones who are the worst). One of the private games I play with ill-behaved tots is to give them mean, dirty looks (outside the view of their parents) in an attempt to make them cry. It's a great game! I really do care about children --- for instance, if your precious offspring are running around like banshees, I would truly hate for them to trip on my suddenly outstretched foot. I know, I know. You want to have an evening out once in a while. You're a frazzled parent, who only wants a decent meal at a nice restaurant every so often. That's nice. Hire a babysitter, and enjoy! But the idea that it's ok to bring children to a nice restaurant just "because you feel you're entitled" is dead wrong. Certainly, you understood that your life with children would be different than your single life, right. Or, didn't you think that through?

Beth Says:   I love my kids--I am just smart enough to realize not everyone does.  There was literally a three year period where my son couldn't sit still in a restaurant.  So guess what we did?  We didn't take him to restaurants!  Crazy, huh??  I share your pain.  I can't tell you how many times I have forked out good money for a babysitter, only to listen to someone else's kid scream during dinner.  At least it was a change!  There are a couple options here.  The first is you could complain to the manager, but honestly, what are they going to do?  I remember on Valentine's Day going to an upscale restaurant I had saved for, only to have my dinner ruined by an ill-behaved child.  I complained.  The manager did nothing.  Then there was the time I snapped and said to a parent "You know, I got a babysitter for my child so I could enjoy myself."  Then the person apologized profusely and offered to pay for my dinner...yeah, that never happened.  I got a dirty look and some sort of snide response and that was the end of that.  As is often the case, I have come to the conclusion that I must work around clueless people, rather than hoping they will come to the epiphany that they need to change their ways.  So my suggestions are--1) If you don't want to be around kids, don't go to a kid-friendly restaurant.  Are you eating at Olive Garden, a local Mexican restaurant or Friday's?  Then suck it up! If there is a kid's menu, you are out of luck. 2) Is it before 8:00 p.m.?  Ditto... Pretend you are European and make late dinner reservations. 3) Go for something like Indian, Thai or Ethiopian--kids hate that! 

“Am I being old-fashioned, or is the no-white-after-Labor-Day rule passé?”

Kevin Says:  Every year, some sartorialists will demand that fashion be no longer beholden to such “old-timey” dictates. Well, balderdash, I say. Not to be too “Serial Mom” about it (look it up!), but the no-white rule still stands, with modest exceptions (exercise clothes, especially those for tennis, may be in white, regardless of season, for instance). “White” also includes spectator shoes, for both women and men. “What about winter white?” people may ask. Here’s the deal, folks: Winter white is really not white, and may be worn after labor day --- but really, not many people can pull off an all-winter-white ensemble without looking like a heroine from a Jackie Collins novel. People will also ask, “What if I live in a warm climate?” or “What if I’m on a winter cruise?” In those cases, you simply wear lots of light-weight cotton and linen … just not white cotton or linen. You may haul out your favorite white apparel on Memorial Day.

Beth Says:  Ok, here is the thing.  I work in a high school and live in the suburbs.  I'm not Victoria Beckham and no one expects me to be a fashion icon.  My rule is this, if it feels like it's summer, I am dressing like it's summer.  If I am on a cruise in Mexico in February, I am wearing my summer clothes.  If, like happened this year, it is 90 degrees on May 1st, I am going to wear my white capri pants.  In my day to day life, I am willing to be comfortable and be a "Fashion Don't" within reason.  That said, I typically put away the white pants after Labor Day. By then I am tired of them anyway!