What do I do if I accidentally burp or fart in a completely inappropriate place like in front of my boss, in church, or at a luncheon?

Beth:  True story--one time I was at a party and we all had a couple drinks.  All the sudden this woman rips a huge fart.  I mean, there was no passing it off as squeaky shoes or floorboards--it sounded like that stereotypical flatulent sound kids make when they put their palms up against their mouths and blow.   There was sort of a shocked silence and the woman totally did not react at all.  Like it never happened.  Not so much as a quiver in her countenance.  I say, good move!  Because as long as you don't acknowledge it, no one 100% knows for sure it was you. 

Kevin:  If it can’t be confidently pinned on you, carry on as if nothing happened. If it can be pinned confidently on you, you say, “Pardon me,” and then carry on.