Vintage Gay and a Gal

This is a Facebook post from February, when I left Kevin a message in a panic.  I was going on a cruise and there were soooo many things to obsess about.  He really is a font of reassuring info!  Read on...



Kevin:  I got your message, lets go through your list.
Me:  Ok.  What if I get seasick? Do you bring dramamine?
Kevin:  Absolutely or buy those seabands.

It could happen!!

Me:  What if our cruise ship gets one of those ecoli viruses?
Kevin:  First of all, its not ecoli, its norovirus and if you do, you do and there's nothing to be done about it.  Just wash your hands alot and use the hand sanitizer they have everywhere.
Me:  What if we are attacked by pirates?
Kevin:  You aren't cruising to Somalia.  There are no pirates in the Carribean.
Me:  What?!  Of course there are, wasn't that the name of a movie??  Pirates of the Carribean?
Kevin:  Well, unless you are traveling through time to when there were actually pirates in the Carribean, there will be nothing to worry about.
Me:  What if we come in contact with some sort of crazy drug cartel people while in Cozumel (literally every person I tell we are going to Mexico, says this)?
Kevin:  You are going to be fine--just only do stuff set up through the cruise ship or your travel agency.  Plus there really aren't those types of problems in Cozumel.
Me:  What if our cab driver kidnaps us, slits our throats and steals our money?!?!
Kevin:  That's not going to happen.  All the cab drivers there are legit.
Me:  What if a staff person breaks into our room and steals our money and my jewels?
Kevin: Or your Ming Vase.
Me:  Or my Fabgerge Egg!
Kevin:  There are safes in the room.
 Me:  What if there is a storm at sea? Remember the movie The Poseidon Adventure?
Kevin:  You mean the one where the cruise ship flips upside down and everyone dies?  Yes....
Me: WELL?!?!
Kevin:  First of all, the water isn't deep enough to create that kind of  wave.
Me:  See, this is why I love you!  You address my neurosis with solid facts!
Kevin:  Second of all, if there is a storm, you'll just get through it.  That happened to us once and we were all queasy but it was fine.
Me:  What if I need a doctor?
Kevin:  There are doctors.  Just like on The Love Boat.
Me:  So If I break my leg?
Kevin:  Yes you are fine unless you need something major done.
Me:  What if I need a lung transplant?
Kevin:  I don't think they are going to be able to do that.
Me:  What if the electricity goes out--that happened!!
Kevin:  Well two things...first of all, you'll definitely get to go on another cruise for free.  Also, they will still keep serving alcohol, so my advice is to just keep drinking to get through it.  In fact, that's my advice about everything--keep drinking.  Storm, pirates, power failure, whatever, just keep drinking!
Me:  That's good advice...What if I fall overboard trying to do like Kate Winslet did in Titanic? Seriously...I am always hearing about people falling overboard...I mean, aren't there railings and stuff?
Kevin:  You aren't going to fall overboard.  The only possible place to fall overboard is off your balcony and you don't have one of those.
Me:  But that happens alot!  You hear about these people on their honeymooners and one of them gets drunk and falls overboard.
Kevin:  Honeymooners always have balconies.  Plus if you did fall off, there is something there to catch you.
 Me:  Ok.....Well, I've already worked through my fear of the ship being sucked down by a giant squid, like The Cracken, through internet research, so I'm good on that one.
Kevin:  Well, that's a relief.  I have to get back to my conference now.
Beth:  Ok, thanks!  I appreciate you indulging me.
Kevin:  Any time.