I have a wonderful friend with an awful husband. My husband can't stand him either. She is constantly trying to get us to go out on a "couples date,” but after the last time, my husband and I both swore never again. Constantly making excuses isn't working!

Beth says:  This happens quite a bit.  It is difficult to find a combination of four different personalities that is going to work. The tricky thing is that while you and your husband can't stand him, clearly your friend thinks he's awesome! I tend to walk the Path of the Passive, so I would encourage you to just continue on with the excuses.  Make sure to spend time with your friend on your own, but life is hectic, especially if you have kids and it should be easy enough to just keep the excuses coming until she gives up.  Another idea?   Early in my first marriage, I had a dear friend who was married to one of the most obnoxious people I have ever known.  He was diametrically opposed to everything we believed in, politically, socially, religiously, philosophically, and academically.  After many uncomfortable evenings of biting our tongues, we decided we would only go to movies with them!  That way, there was no talking!

Kevin says:  Friendships have to develop organically --- just like yours with your ill-wedded friend. You can’t force two different people to be friends, just because their spouses are. If your friend’s husband is as awful as you say (I wish I knew a little more about what makes him so difficult to be around), he may have no other friends and his wife is trying paw him off to your husband. In which case, a little compassion may be in order. If the compassion horse has left the barn, however (as it seems it has), you really only have one option, the truth (or a version of it) --- but this will only work if you can be reasonably sure that your husband won’t have to socialize with Mr. Awful in the future. Say to your friend, “Fiona, I really enjoy the time we get to hang out. I wish Don and Roger got along as well. Unfortunately, my Don just doesn’t do well with new people.” Then, drop it. When Fiona calls to schedule the next couples date, explain that “Unfortunately, Don has plans that night, but I’d love to see you guys.” Eventually, when “Don has plans” enough times, Fiona will stop inquiring. If Fiona ever pressures you for more of an explanation, the whole truth, delivered with as much compassion as you see fit, is the only option left.