I have a friend who is perpetually late. Every time we meet, I am sitting waiting in a restaurant for at least half an hour. What can I say to her?

Beth says:  How close are you to this person?  The reason I ask is because twice in my life I have taken a stand against tardy friends and I have regretted it both times.  I'd rather have them in my life and wait, than risk hurting the friendship. People have all kinds of reasons for being chronically late and it really has nothing to do with you.  You can try to work around it by automatically showing up 30 minutes later than the appointed time or you can ask them to call when you when they are on their way.  For me, the bottom line is that true friendship is precious and that you should offer people the same grace/slack you would ask from them when you inevitably screw up or show your faults.  If this is not a close friend, then I would just stop making plans with them.

Kevin says:  To someone who is chronically punctual, like myself, the chronically late make my blood boil. The answer to the following question would determine how I responded: Does this person arrive on time for events that are important to her (picking up the kids from school, getting to work or a doctor’s appointment)? If your friend is late for EVERYTHING, not just engagements with you, you tell her calmly how it makes you feel when she’s late --- “Sheila, I love hanging out with you, but when you’re late, it makes me feel like you don’t value our time together.” ---and then you drop it. In the future, you simply limit your exposure to her lack of punctuality (don’t make plans to see a movie together, for instance).

If, however, your friend is only late when she has plans with you, here’s a clever (but perhaps a tad harsh) approach for when you’ve arrived at your last (gay) nerve:

·         Be on time to your meeting and turn off your cell phone (or put it in airplane mode) as soon as you arrive.

·         Set a timer for 15 minutes, order a drink, and relax.

·         If your friend doesn't show up after 15 minutes or by the time you’ve finished your drink, turn your phone back on, and leave.

When your notoriously late friend arrives and can’t find you, she’ll call you to blame you for being late. Be strong and explain in calm voice that you were there on time, you waited for her while having a drink, and left when you determined that she wasn’t coming. She may be hurt, and even mad, but you can explain that you respected her enough to be on time to your meeting and that you expect the same. If she is still upset, you may have to accept that your friendship has run its course.

K