A Gay and a Gal Lightning Round!

Which is scariest?  Wolfman, Vampire or Zombie?

Kevin:  Sarah Palin, I mean, Zombie.
Beth:  Wolfman, by far.  I don't like the idea that someone could appear perfectly normal by day and then on a full moon, eat my face off.








What is the worst band of all time?

Kevin:  Insane Clown Posse.

Beth:  New Kids on the Block would be my first choice, except they don't count as a band since they don't play instruments.  Second choice?  Paul McCartney and Wings.  UGH. With such deep, evocative lyrics as "Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell, do me a favor, open the door and let them in," I just want to weep with shame for this low point in American Rock 'n Roll.

Daylight Savings Time--yes or no?

Beth:  Hell, no.  I say we get rid of this mind-fuck of a tradition once and for all!
Kevin:  I HATE having to change the clocks twice a year. Two full weeks each year spent trying to adjust to the new time is brutal. It messes with your circadian rhythm, and is just plain painful. Get rid of it!




Best board game of all time?

Beth:    The Game of Life, closely followed by Stratego
Kevin:  I don't particularly like games of any type (ask my husband who loves all sorts of games, especially cards). There's a special place in my heart, though, for the original Trivial Pursuit, which I played with my friends thousands of times during high school. Fond memories!  


Favorite Sitcom as a child?

Beth:  70's?  Welcome Back Kotter--I even had a WBK lunch box with the special edition Horshack thermos.  80's? Bosom Buddies.  Life changing would be an understatement.
Kevin:  I don't know what it means about me, a gangly white kid from rural South Carolina, that my favorite sit coms from childhood were "Good Times" and "What's Happenin'" --- each about a gangly black kid from the city. Go figure.


 

Happy Birthday to A Gay from A Gal!

A Gay and a Gal, 1989

I think it was March of 1988 when I met Kevin.  Over the next two years, Kevin was responsible for more fun times than a gal should have, typically while sitting around doing absolutely nothing. He also introduced me to streaking and for that, I am so grateful!  In May 1990, I got my diploma and hugged Kev good-bye.  He was headed to Puerto Rico to teach in a private school and I was returning to Virginia Beach to look for a job and plan my wedding.  As he walked away, I remember thinking, "I bet I will never see that guy again!"  Then my friend whispered, "Oh my God!  He was crying!"  Hmmmm, was there more to this friendship than immature humor and nudity?

Oh boy, was there.

For the last twenty three years, Kevin and I have grown up together.  I can't think of one important milestone in my life that Kevin wasn't a part of.  He was there for both my weddings (and in both of them!), the births of my children, various moves, birthday celebrations, reunions, and holidays.  He has loved my children in a way that only a select few of my actual relatives have.

More telling though, were the low moments when he showed up without having to be asked.  After my dad died and I plunged into a grief unlike any I have ever experienced, he took me to New York where we went to see "Spamalot," followed by an evening in a gay piano bar in The Village.  When I was in the low days following my divorce, not only did Kevin stay on the phone with me for hours while I cried, he left work and showed up at my doorstep because he was so worried about me. Come to think of it, Kevin has loved ME in a way that only a select few of my actual relatives have.

Those moments were when I realized that even though Kevin should in no way be able to relate to my life, much less be able to have any insight into it, he gives fantastic advice.   It has been crazy fun sharing that with all of you.

Happy birthday, Kevin--you never looked better! 

We have a limited wedding budget and I want to invite some coworkers, but not all, and I absolutely do not want to invite my boss. How do I handle this?

Beth says:  Lordy, I hated that conversation!  "Well, if we invite this person, then we have to invite that person!"  My first go round, we invited everyone, including my parents' friends that I didn't even know.  The second time, I wanted it to be much more intimate, with only my family and closest friends attending.  Further, we had a minimal budget.  This was challenging for a couple reasons--the first was that I have a large family and there were several that I didn't want to invite, but there is no way to get around that.  The second is that inevitably someone's feelings are going to be hurt, but it is what it is. While it would have been the P.C. thing to do to invite my boss, she wasn't a friend or family and so she didn't make the cut.  I just tried to emphasize constantly that this was a very small wedding and we could only invite a few people.   Just remember this day is about you and your partner--don't get bogged down worrying about other people's happiness to the point that it impacts your own!

Kevin says:  Not many people are in a position to invite everyone to their special events. Understand that you’re under no obligation to invite anyone you don’t want at your event  --- budget constraints or not. What you must not do, however, is make a show of publicly inviting work colleagues --- or even talking about your wedding in the workplace (seriously, you’re there to work, not plan extracurricular activities anyway). You do not distribute invitations at work, for instance. You send out invitations to the work colleagues you’re inviting in the mail, just like the invitations to everyone else.

Who is a bigger scumbag, Arnold Schwarzenegger or John Edwards?

"So what does your maid look like?"

Kevin says: I think it is inappropriate to judge public figures based solely on what gets reported in the news. So much is inaccurate, leaked for political or personal gain, or just plain lies. Further, you simply have no idea what kind of “arrangement” a couple has in their private affairs. That said, if everything that has been reported is true, I think John Edwards has proved himself to be the bigger asshat. He’s certainly lost more personally and politically than Schwarzenegger. Having a kid out of wedlock is one thing, but cheating on your cancer-ridden wife is another. Beyond that, Edwards squandered any chance he ever had of serving in high political office, and breathtakingly so.


Beth says:  This is a close one.  On the one hand, it takes a special kind of asshole to not just have an affair but to do so under the roof you share with your spouse with the hired help, have a baby with her and then act like business as usual for the next twelve years.   That said, John Edwards' affair took slimy to the next level because of his abuse of campaign funds, asking his best friend (who was married) to take the fall and oh, by the way, his wife was dying of cancer.  So, my pick is John Edwards but they are both tools of the highest order.

It's always difficult to be the best friend in these types of situations.  While Andrew Young ended up with a sweet book deal, he probably wishes he'd had A Gay and a Gal around to help him navigate that tricky situation (see next post). 

My best friend is having an affair. She claims this guy is the love of her life, but won't leave her husband because she has 2 small children. I'm trying not to judge, but the real issue is that she wants to use me as her "alibi" so she can get away to be with her lover. How can I say no without her thinking I am judging her?

Kevin says:  You obviously can’t or you wouldn’t be asking the question. And if she were really your best friend, she wouldn’t be putting you in this awkward position. Here’s what you say, “Carolyn, we’ve talked about this before, and you know how I feel about your relationship with Gary. I have to live my life in a way that I can be proud of. I simply can’t be your alibi so that you can sneak around on your husband. I also won’t lie for you. I say this so you can make an informed decision about how to structure your personal life.” Then, let her make the next move. She probably won’t be happy with you, but if you offend someone by doing the right thing, you’re better off without the friend-inflicted drama.
Beth says:   If you know a friend is cheating, you have to decide how you can live comfortably with that information.  You never know what's going to end up happening and if you truly don't want to come across as judgmental, you have to find a way to be supportive without becoming directly involved.  It is perfectly reasonable to say, "Look I am here for you if you want to talk about this, but I just can't in good conscience be your alibi." 

I am having a baby shower for a good friend. Her mother in law does not like cats--it's not that she's allergic, she just doesn't like them, and has asked me to lock them up while she is there. Do I really have to do that? Most likely they will be hiding the whole time anyway!

Beth says: I have way too many pets.  After I got married, our households combined to create a veritable "His, Mine and Ours" of the Animal Kingdom.  We now have 2 dogs, 4 cats and 3 crabs.  I know it's a lot and I know many people don't like animals.  If someone has an allergy, they are in trouble when they come to my house and I always give them a heads up and have Benadryl and Allertec on hand.  If they aren't comfortable around dogs, I will crate up my dogs.  My cats on the other hand are probably going to hide and if they come in, I will shoo them out.  That's about the best I can offer.  If someone just doesn't like cats, then they should weigh what they hate more, cats or the thought of missing a loved one's baby shower. 

Kevin says:  I’m sure I’ll offend lots of animal lovers with this response, but if you’re entertaining in your home, animals (and children for that matter --- don’t get me started) should be corralled elsewhere. I am highly allergic to nearly all animals, and as a result I try not to touch any furry creatures. As a result, cats in particular, are maddeningly drawn to me. Even having a cat rub up against my leg or a dog jump up to greet me can leave dander and oils from their fur that transfer easily to my clothes and hands and before I know it, my allergy symptoms are in full glory. “Oh, just push her away,” the doting cat owner will say. Problem is, just doing that is enough to prompt my suffering. Even if I weren’t allergic, though, I'm not keen on having animal hair all over my clothes (or dainty finger sandwiches, yuck).  Additionally, some folks simply are afraid of animals. Whether that fear is rational or not, your carefully orchestrated shower is not the time or the place to prove that your pets are nothing to fear. My advice is to do what you can to make your guests feel comfortable in your home, and if that means moving your animals to a spare bedroom for a few hours, it’s the right thing to do.

I have an acquaintance who is very competitive. She loves to talk about what a great mom she is, how brilliant her children are, how great she is at her job, how perfect her marriage is, etc. It's really annoying and unfortunately, I have to see her quite often. Any suggestions for getting her to shut up?

Beth says:  We all know them...the people who love to not only brag about their lives, but seem to be purposefully trying to make you feel bad about yours?  In my experience, people who feel the need to toot their own horn are often hopelessly insecure and full of crap.  Remember how Kathie Lee Gifford used to brag about how picture-perfect her marriage was until Frank banged a stewardess on hidden camera?  Yeah, that shut her up!  Bottom line, it takes two to have a conversation and you shouldn't give anyone the power to make you feel bad about yourself.  While it may tempting to try and come back at them, it's only going to add fuel to the fire.  Change the subject and then walk away, thinking "Oh, she's just so tragic!" and giggle to yourself.

Kevin says:  Seriously, the question isn’t how to get her to shut up; it’s why are you continuing to socialize with someone you obviously don’t particularly like? My advice is to wind down the friendship --- taking longer and longer to accept invitations to hang out, extending fewer and fewer invitations yourself, until the friendship slowly recedes. In the meantime, when faced with her ongoing soliloquies you simply have to smile politely and attempt to change the subject to something more neutral. If this is someone you see, say, while picking up your kids from school or while serving on a committee together, you steer the conversation back to neutral topics you have in common (the school calendar or committee activities).